


Dream of Home

by MyUncreativeUserSorry



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cassius isn't a good father, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, They have eachother, Trans Male Character, Trans Tam Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-19 00:28:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22368991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyUncreativeUserSorry/pseuds/MyUncreativeUserSorry
Summary: Keefe has never quite felt like the Lost Cities is where he belongs. There's just something that doesn't fit. The only problem is that no one understands what he means when he explains what he feels. Until a certain bangs boy reveals that he feels just the same.(TW - The second chapter contains a scene with emotional abuse and an emotional spiral/panic attack)
Relationships: Keefe Sencen/Tam Song
Comments: 9
Kudos: 57





	1. give me something to believe in

The Lost Cities are perfect.

Everyone knows it, or believes it at least. The ones who don’t believe, who see the cracks, are smart enough to pretend.

Keefe is sick of pretending. Pretending he doesn’t see the splits in the fabric of their so called perfection. The cracks which allow vines of greed and narcissism to grow through, and entangle themselves around the throats of their society.

He sees it in the way that his father postures, it’s all image with that man. Keefe hates it, hates every sugar sweet lie that spills from his father's mouth. He especially hates the way everyone laps it up. With Gisela out of the picture, Cassius stepped up his game. Polishing his public image and being every inch the tortured, unknowing victim that no one, or maybe everyone, expected him to be.

_ If you’re so devastated by mothers betrayal, could you at least pretend to care that I was affected too?  _

Every moment Keefe has to live surrounded by all these lies is a moment he wishes he could wash from his mind.

“Do you ever wish you could just leave this place behind?” He didn’t mean to say it, but he is sick of all the lies. 

“....Havenfield?” Sophie asks, looking at him like he’s grown a second head. He groans.

“No, I mean, everything. This place, the Lost Cities. Don’t you ever wish you could just-” Faced with the concerned expressions of all his friends in the den of Sophie's home causes the rest to stick in his throat. 

“You know what, nevermind. Think all that flizzleberry wine I stole from dad is making me coocoo.” He smirks, it works, the conversation derailed as he assured them that no, he hadn’t stolen his dads wine (with a well placed wink to leave them guessing). 

He went home soon after that, sure, they had all planned on just having a day to do - whatever it is that teenagers are supposed to do - but he just couldn’t find it in himself to be interested. Instead he busied himself in his room, sorting through his pranking supplies, hiding from his father and his friends.

“You know, if you do steal your fathers wine, you definitely have to give me some.” Ro attempts to pull him into conversation yet again, but all he did was hum noncommittally. 

He barely notices the time passing, but soon finds himself back in his bed. Mulling over his earlier outburst.

Ro eventually leaves him, either to check the perimeter of to screw with Keefes father. The latter sounds much nicer, and less boring.

His silent brooding is interrupted by the tinkling tone of his imparter, the screen lighting up the crystal ceiling and casting eerie shadows.

He scrambles out of his covers and grabs for it, accepting the hail before it can end. Not even taking a moment to check the caller ID. What if it’s Sophie? He wondered excitedly, with a new one on one mission.

It is not.

His eyes widen at the face that greets him from the screen, his smile falling.

“What do you want.” Talk about luck. It just has to be the last person he ever wanted to hail him (well… not last, his mother and father held the lowest places. But this guy was down there.)

“Did you mean it?” Tam asks, sounding weirdly urgent, “When you said you wanted to leave?”

If anyone ever asks, Keefe blames his quick response on the confusion.

“Uhm, yeah. Why?” 

It’s a good question, because they’ve never hailed before. They’ve barely ever even spoken outside of cruel jibes.

Tam does not seem to be sharing Keefe’s struggle. Which is almost upsetting. Instead he just sighs.

“Well, as much as I despise sharing an opinion with you, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.”

All Keefe can think is: Rude!

“Linh thinks I’m crazy.” Tam continues, ignoring Keefes flabbergasted expression.

“Wait, are you serious?” He manages, Tam shrugs,

“Duh.”

Keefe scans the other elfs face for a sign of some joke, (it would be a bad joke) but Tams expression is as infuriatingly unreadable as always.

“It’s suffocating, isn’t it?” Keefe dares, but when no sign of - he’s not even sure what he’s looking for. Malice? Triumph? Angst? Whatever, there’s no change in his expression so Keefe continues.

“This place. Like, just let us breath, you know?”

Tam nods, “Everyone always wants things to be a certain way, newsflash sparkles! Not everything is perfect.” He deadpans.

“Exactly!” Keefe feels strangely glad. “Come live in our perfect free society. Just be sure to never do anything different, ever.” Keefe mocks, and he swears Tam almost smiles.

With that the tension has broken and they’re bouncing complaints off eachother. Insults can still be heard peppering the conversation, but they seem almost diluted. More reflexive. 

They talk about virtually nothing important, strangeness in laws and the confusing hierarchy, Times they’d seen councillors embarrass themselves.

“I just don’t get it.” Keefe says through a yawn, “How someone can just be okay with living here for eternity.”

“I think they just enjoy the certainty.” Keefe snorts at the accidental rhyme.

“I know Linh loves it,” Tam frowns, “being a part of this. She wants to be a councillor, can you believe it?” Keefe can. She’d be good at it, a nice addition. The council would probably find real morals beneficial.

Tam yawns widely, and Keefe can’t stop himself from doing the same. Cutting off his next remark.

“I think-” Keefe yawns again. “That’s enough for tonight.” Tam hums tiredly.

Keefe’s thumb hovers over the ‘end hail’ button, but something pushes out one last sentence.

“I still hate you by the way. You and your stupid hair, this doesn’t change that.”

Tam rolls his eyes, “Ditto, blondie.” Then the screen goes dark and Keefe is left staring at the shadows. Too tired to feel as bewildered as he truly is.

They don’t mention it the next day, or the next time they see each other almost a week later. Nothing is outwardly different. They still make jokes at each others expense, glare at each other or ignore each other. Yet there’s a sort of understanding. 

Like whenever someone says something so infuriating, so- propaganda, he finds himself looking towards Tam and making a face. It’s always answered with a look of exasperation, but this time it’s not directed towards him.

Keefe is actually pretty sure it was a one time thing, the idea of leaving is still in his thoughts, and the comfort of knowing that it is shared remains. Until one day nearly a month later, he can almost ignore it.

He’s not entirely certain what triggers it. Maybe it’s the ever present mention of legacies that never fail to make his stomach turn. Or how Sophie had spent their time together going on and on about mission and duty and how they have to protect everyone.

Whatever the reason, as soon as Ro leaves the room for patrol that night, he’s whispering into his imparter.

Thankfully it doesn’t look like he has woken the other boy.

“If you could live anywhere but here, where would it be.” He blocks Tams attempted question with a question of his own.

He hasn’t realized that he’s been thinking about it, but now that it’s out in the open he finds that he’s curious. He doesn’t know much about their world outside of the Lost Cities and some of the other other intelligent kingdoms, but there must be more than that.

“I always liked the neutral territories.” Tam starts without missing a beat. “It was always so free, No laws or anything, just Linh and I. Able to do whatever we pleased.

“I won't deny that it kind of sucked, having to build shelters and forage for food,” He amends, “But it was a hundred times better than this stuffy place.” If Keefe didn’t know any better, he would think that Tam looks almost wistful.

“That’s boring.” Keefe waves it off, “Just because I don’t wanna live here doesn’t mean I want to live in a tent.” He sticks his tongue out in mock disgust.

“Why am I not surprised.” Tam frowns,

“I hate you.” Keefe pouts, Tam just rolls his eyes.

Neither of them spoke for a minute, and Keefe is about to end the hail, if only to spare himself from the awkwardness.

“There was one time,” Tam begins again, “We stayed out of the neutral territories and hid out with the humans.

“We weren’t actually near humans, but it was their land we were staying on. A field, I don’t think anyone had been there in years, maybe even a humans lifetime. 

“Different things grow there, in the Forbidden Cities. More colourful and vibrant, if you can believe it. Less blue and greens.” He seems lost in a memory, and Keefe can’t help feeling a bit enraptured.

“Actually, I lied. There was a human city near us. Not a big one, it didn’t smell very heavily of pollution. But at night we could see some light from over the treeline, if we were quiet we could hear them, the cars and all the people bustling around doing their daily things.

“It’s nothing like this place, even the woods are different. At least where we were staying. Not quite so overgrown and hard to navigate. Less types of trees. It’s simpler yet- so much more all at once.”

Keefe doesn’t think he’s ever heard Tam speak even a fraction of this much before, he’s pretty sure no one has. His voice is spellbinding, the way he tells stories, nothing incredible but with details most people wouldn’t think to add. Wouldn’t think were all that important.

He continues to speak, weaving images of flowering fields and lush forests into Keefe’s mind's eye.

Keefe’s fingers itch with some abstract desire to put it down on paper, immortalize it. See if he’s seeing what Tam saw.

“I think I’d like to live somewhere like that.” He whispers as Tam’s story winds to an end. “Maybe where more people are, just a few. So it’s not so quiet.”

“I would have thought you’d make enough noise all on your own.” Tam retorts.

“Shut it, bangs boy.” He frowns, “I was trying to have a moment!”

“I’ll leave you to your moment then.” Tam says, his expression still a little foggy. “Goodnight, blondie.” and the hail ends before Keefe can protest.

“Drama queen.” Keefe mumbles, tossing his imparter to the other side of his bed before laying down.

He runs a hand absently through his hair as he thinks. Trying to recapture the image Tam gave. Imagining himself there, what he liked about it, the things he’s change. How much nicer it would be than here.

Ro re enters at some point, but he doesn’t react.

She doesn’t mention the fact that he doesn’t sleep that night, though he knows she can tell. Instead she just laughs when he face plants into his cereal the next morning.

It takes him two days to get around to doing what he’d decided that night, but once he finds himself in that bookstore he wishes he had shown up earlier.

Tam had reignited his desire to prepare as much as possible for the day he can finally leave. Not only that, but he has given Keefe a more concrete purpose.

One day, Keefe Sencen was going to live in the Forbidden Cities. This he swears.

He is able to snag a couple of books on humans, he’s pretty sure they’re actually meant to be textbooks but they work. There’s one on human culture, another on geography of the Forbidden Cities, and a history of Elven-Human relations.

If these had come from school, they would be nothing more than doodle paper in his eyes. Yet now, he finds them interesting, fascinating almost.

He spends the next couple days pouring over the texts, highlighting fact or names of places that interest him, places to live. Not too populated but enough to satisfy. 

Obviously he has to take breaks, even at his most determined these books are edging very close to dead boring. The breaks are short though, and mostly just spent digesting the information he’d gleaned from the pages.

Ro asks if he’s sick a grand total of 8 times, and spends the rest of her time trying to feed him false information on the humans. (He is way too smart to fall for it thank you very much. Most of the time at least)

“Humans are really bad at naming things.”

Tam blinks blankly at him through the imparter screen. This time it’s obvious he’s woken the other boy up. Hair disheveled and pajama clad as he is. Keefe doesn’t allow himself to get distracted. It’s late, he’s aware of this, Ro has already returned from patrol and is brooding (read: doing her nails) in the corner. He’s only just finished the last pages of the final book and he’s brimming with things he wants to share, so time is irrelevant.

“I do need sleep you know?” Tams voice is rough and tired, Keefe swallows.

“Come on Tammy, you love our little talks. No need to pretend.” He winks.

“Incorrect, but go on.” Tam sighs, but the annoyance in his tone is less than usual.

“Well, I’ve been reading and it’s actually really interesting.” Keefe starts, his fantastic recall assaulting him with facts to choose from.

“Did you know they have this country called Greenland?” Tam shakes his head. “Well it’s not green! It’s covered in ice! But get this, the place called Iceland is green!”

Tam cocks his head, looking slightly more awake. “Are you serious?” Keefe nods.

“It’s wild right? And they have a bunch of places named after swear words.” Keefe laughs, “Maybe I should live in one of those places.

He grins at Tam through the screen, who just rolls his eyes.

“I was- uh- actually looking at some places. You know, somewhere with not too many people, nice climate, stuff like that? And I found a couple.”

“Tell me about them?” Tam prompts, fighting off a yawn.

“Those two places I mentioned? They’re options, but really small. Still bigger than our population but not by much.” He starts, surprised to find an interested look in Tams eye.

“But they’re usually really cold, or at least colder than here.”

“I don’t like the sounds of that.” Keefe watches as Tam wraps his blanket tighter around himself.

“Me either, plus their languages are really hard.” He admits, not all that keen on learning another language.

“There is this one place, it’s like where Sophie used to live but it’s less populated. It’s called Canada, they speak english there. Not to brag but I know a bit of that.”

“Bravo to you.” Tam drawls.

“Anyways, it gets cold too, but also pretty hot depending on which part. A nice balance, you know?”

Tam likely does not know, but he doesn’t interrupt.

Keefe delves into specifics, spouting whatever facts come to his mind at any given moment. Tams eyes are wide and overwhelmed.

“Either you’re the best Human Studies student ever, or you’re actually serious about this whole moving thing.” Tam jokes, Keefe feels his stomach sink.

“Of course I am. Aren’t you?” He asks, suddenly put off.

Tam has the decency to look sheepish.

“I mean, I obviously want to.” He starts, “But I never planned to actually do anything about it. It’s just a dream, I don’t think I could ever just leave Linh alone like that.”

Well, there are a few things Keefe wants to say about the twins incredible codependency, but he knows better than to speak while his skin bubbles like this, irritation running hot through his veins.

“Well, I’m serious. Once the Neverseen is defeated I’m ditching this place.” He says sharply, aiming to end the call.

“I didn’t know you could be responsible.” Tam teases, and Keefe doesn’t quite know what to feel.

“I hate you.” He whispers.

“I know.”

Keefe hangs up after that, burrowing himself under his covers.

Why is it so upsetting that Tam isn’t actually serious? It’s not like deep down Keefe was expecting them to do this together. He’s not excited at the idea of having something in common with Tam.

Obviously.

He’s just- pissed because Tam has been lying to him, or at least withholding the truth.

No matter the reason, he falls asleep with a frown on his face. If he dreams about something oddly domestic that smooths his expression and warms deep in his chest? Well, he doesn’t remember it in the morning.

The next night it’s Tam who calls. A quip about needing sleep too rests on Keefes tongue, but it dies when he notices the riged anger on Tams face.

“I hate him.” Tam seethes, and Keefe can almost feel the emotion wafting through the screen.

“Uh, who?” Keefe dares to ask.

“My father.” Keefe winces, that he can understand.

“I don’t even know how he found us. I didn't think he even knew where Mysterium was, let alone would ever go there!” He continues.

He gesticulates as he speaks, so emotional that Keefe is almost nervous.

“What did he do?” Keefe prompts, Tam doesn’t immediately bite his head off for interrupting, which is good.

“He said he was proud of us.”

Keefe blanks, isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?

“He said we’ve ‘done so well overcoming the demeaning standards of twinship.’” He puts on a voice, gruff and mocking. “He wouldn’t stop going on about it!”

“And even worse, before he left you know what he said?” Keefe doesn’t react, waiting for him to continue. “He said he and mother have decided that under the circumstances, they want their  _ daughters _ to come home.” He hisses, venom dripping from the words. Keefe recoils, his chest exploding in a wave of anger.

“He did what?” Keefe yelps, partially from the shock of it all.

It was no secret that Tam was trans, at least among their friend group. Who had discovered after a series of unfortunate accidents. It was no big deal, most people wouldn’t even care. Apparently Lord Song wasn’t one of those people.

“What did you do?” Keefe asks, suddenly concerned. Tam could have a temper to rival Fitz’s at points, especially when it came to his parents.

“Nothing,” Tam sounds bitter, “Linh grabbed me and leaped us home before I could rip his face off.” Tam crosses his arms, staring heatedly at something beyond the screen.

Keefe doesn’t know whether to be relieved. On one hand, the idea of Tam doing something he will regret makes Keefe feel a little sick. On the other hand, the fact that a man of Songs standing can just walk around and say stuff like that? It sends a curl of anger so strong that it’s almost hard to think.

“Where’s Linh now?” Shouldn’t you be talking to her about this stuff? We aren’t even friends.

“She left.” Tam sighs, some of the fight draining out of him. “She said I needed to be alone.” There is a guilt in his eyes that Keefe knows all too well.

Driving away the people who care when you need them most certainly sucks.

“You could come here if you want?” The words spill out before he can stop them, and he blinks in surprise.

Tam is silent for so long that Keefe thinks his imparter froze.

“Why would I do that.” It’s not even a question. Keefe tumbles on because maybe his brain is trying to relay a message he doesn’t quite understand yet. It happens a lot.

“I mean, you obviously don’t want to be alone, and-”

“I’m fine.” Keefe hasn’t heard Tam sounds so dead in forever, probably since the first days they’d known each other. Like he has padlocked all emotions deep down inside.

The hail ends, leaving Keefe staring at the blank screen until Ro threatens to smash it if he doesn’t get some sleep.

She never does, even though Keefe spends most of the night lying awake. Wondering what exactly he’s done wrong. Maybe he is a little angry, at Tams parents, at Tam, at himself.

****  
  



	2. come morning light, you and i will be safe and sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassius discovers what his son has been hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW Cassius is emotionally abusive to Keefe and Keefe doesn't take it very well. Be careful kiddos. Short summary in the end notes. (TW Starts at the line '"Son" His fathers voice-' and ends with 'You belong with us, okay?')

He’s a zombie the next day at school. Ditching all of his classes and his friends in favour of wandering the halls and rigging pranks at random places along the way.

There have been very few days when Foxfire has been victim to pranking more prolific as this. 

When his imparter chimes that night he nearly chucks the universe homework which he’s been faking working on for the last hour. He scrambles to grab it, and freezes when he sees Tams face looking up at him through the screen. 

There’s only a split second of silence, and Keefe prepares himself for… well he’s not sure actually. Something. 

“What kind of house do you want?”

“Uh…” Keefe manages, blinking stupidly. “What?” Out of all the things he might have been expecting, this wasn’t one of them. Maybe he should have expected it though, he had pushed passed their boundaries last night. Challenging their carefully crafted routine. Talking on the imparter is one thing, and Keefe had offered not only face to face contact, and comfort.

People who hate each other don’t do that. So of course Tam would ignore it. Keefe rubs at his chest, a strange tightness enveloping it. Not quite the relief he thinks it should be. 

Tam sighs deeply, “In the human world, doofus.” He explains, and Keefe still hasn’t processed the original question yet. Still, he makes a face like he understands.

“You obviously can’t live in a pretentious tower like you do now,” both of them wrinkle their nose at that idea, “so what house do you want?”

Keefe opens his mouth and quickly discovers he has no idea what to say. The last time he’s given it any sort of thought was during one of their first calls, when he decided he hates tents.

“I don’t know.” He admits truthfully, “I haven’t thought about it.” 

“You’re honestly hopeless.” Tam shakes his head.

Keefe frowns, “Well there’s no need to be rude.” Especially considering the amount of though he’s put into everything else.

Whatever irritation he feels burns out quickly, and he can’t restrain a cheeky grin at the teasing eyebrow that Tam raises. The look on the other boys face can almost be considered a small smile. Keefe isn’t certain why it makes him so giddy.

“They don’t even make houses out of crystals, or even rocks like the dwarves. It’s strange.” Tam says, looking down. It takes Keefe a moment to realize that he’s reading from something.

“Well they do use rocks, just cut into weird rectangles.” Keefe points out, drawing information from earlier texts he’s looked at. Bricks they’re called, if he remembers correctly.

Tam nods, “Sometimes they use wood, too.” He holds something up to the camera. It takes a second to focus but Keefe can eventually make out what looks like a squarish cabin, made from wooden logs. “I think I prefer something like this.” He continues, pulling the book back and looking it over for himself.

Keefe feels warm all over when he hears this, they haven’t had time to speak of Tams reluctance to actually go through with this crazy idea since it had first been brought up. Finally Keefe can see that maybe Tam’s starting to change his mind. He decides not to comment though, a little scared that it will drive Tam away again.

“I think that sounds cool.” Keefe agrees reflexively, with a moments thought he realizes that it’s the truth. “The homes here are just so pretentious, you know?” He says, speaking in time with his thoughts.

“Especially yours.” Tam teases, Keefe concedes with a shrug, because he’s not wrong.

They talk for a little while after that, Tam showing him pictures of different residences, which Keefe takes to describing as humourously as possible, all loud voices and even louder actions.

It causes Ro to return from her patrol early, poking her head in the door and giving Keefe one of those ‘Well isn’t this interesting?’ looks that he obstinately ignores.

He’s in the middle of mocking this one house, ‘Gothic’ it’s captioned. Made out of black planks with dark shutters, surrounded by dying flowers and spikes. He’s not even sure how Tam is finding these anymore.

“Do you just have a vault full of the most emo things you can find?” It’s not even a funny remark, probably wouldn’t make it into his top 300 jokes. Yet for some reason, be it exhaustion or the emotion that still clings to the air between them, Tam actually laughs.

Not just a snort or a chuckle like in past calls, but a full bodied, throw your head back, wake your roommate laugh.

Keefe's mouth is inexplicably dry, and his stomach seems to have twisted itself into up into a knot. He can’t find the ability to do anything but stare as Tam calms himself down.

“No, but maybe I should.” Tam says, and he’s still smiling brightly, and Keefe is still staring. Pretty sure that he’s either about to go blind or go crazy.

Tam yawns, seemingly oblivious to Keefes miniature short circuit. “I think it’s time to call it a night.” Tam adds, his face finally returned to its normal mask of calm indifference, maybe a shadow of the previous smile hangs on the corner of his mouth. Maybe Keefe’s just losing his mind. He must be, because for some reason he wants so much to make another joke, see if he can somehow bring that laugh back. Maybe it would help explain what he’s feeling.

“G’night.” Is all he manages though, and he catches himself staring at the screen once it goes black. He tosses the imparter and buries himself in the covers, his face hot and his mind wandering. He hears Ro chuckling from the other side of the room.

“You, boy, are so screwed.” He summons enough energy to tell her to shut up, but he can’t help feeling that she’s right.

They never do mention Tams outburst, in fact despite their nightly conversations they refrain for discussing anything remotely personal.

The curtain that divides where they stand now from some frighteningly unknown, something new and uncharted, is dangerously thin. Neither of them are very keen on figuring out what would happen, will happen, when it rips.

“Son.” His father's voice breaks Keefe from his reverie and he absently clutches the strap of his bag tighter.

He turns, shrinking in on himself. His plan to just dash right to his room, the same plan he has every day after school, foiled.

All of the air races from his lungs as he catches sight of the stack beside his father.

“Ro told you to stay out of my room.” He manages, anger lacing his tone. “Are you just dying for another taste of ogre poison? You only have to ask daddio.” It’s a pathetic attempt at a joke, despite his father not having quite as much power over Keefe’s emotions anymore, he still feels smaller under his gaze then he does under anyone else's, even his mothers.

Cassius doesn’t look amused.

“Your ogre had to leave this morning on assignment.” His father explains, Keefe can’t believe he’d forgotten. Her father had requested her presence for some function neither Keefe nor Ro care about.

“So, I took the opportunity to learn why you have been missing so much school, as Sophie Foster has kindly informed me.” Keefe swallows. Has it really been so much that Sophie’s taken notice? He’s just chosen to sleep in corridors or to just stay home, rather than give up his late night conversations.

“Well, rather she accused me of committing some terrible deed that kept you from showing up.” Cassius admits with a disinterested wave. “And just look what I happened to find.” He continues after Keefe doesn’t speak. He doesn’t gesture to Keefe’s collection of human textbooks, but instead waves a small plain bound-

Oh no…

Nonononono,

He wasn’t supposed to be able to find that! Keefe had stuffed it deep in a secret drawer compartment that he’d created himself! And yet there it is. In his father's disgusting hands.

His notebook, filled nearly cover to cover with plans of his future.

Notes on cities, customs, languages, and just tiny thoughts. Ideas about what living with humans will be like. Drawings of places he wants to live, houses he wants to live in. 

Keefe wilts under his fathers disappointed stare. The weight of it falls heavily onto his shoulders, his spine. Making it hard to breath. He looks at the toe of his shoes, unable to bare those eyes any longer.

“I-” All snarky remarks die on his tongue, what can he even say? Nothing, not without making it worse.

He knows there’s no escaping this. If he leaves it will only be worse later, if he speaks it’ll just be worse now. All he can do is brace himself. 

“Keefe Sencen, you are my  _ heir _ . I cannot have you running around with such pathetic daydreams filling up your head.” There’s the anger, the bitterness. It’s soft, an undertone really, but the edges in his tone are sharp enough to make Keefe wince.

“Falling behind in your studies, you can fix. Practical jokes, I can assume you will grow out of them. But this? This childish desire to go out gallivanting as a human? Leaving all your duties behind in order to not have to be responsible?” Cassius slams the journal down on the table beside him, the jostling knocking a book off the pile. It hits the floor with a resounding thud and Keefe flinches back.

“I’ve always known you’re difficult, but I’d foolishly believed you were fixable. Not an airheaded waste of space, too stupid to grow up properly.” Keefe’s eyes burn. Distract yourself, his mind whispers feebly. Lady Cadence could use some lessons in ogre bacteria, Ro can help. The ballad of Ro and Bo could use another stanze or two.

“Why couldn’t you have stayed with your mother and her other degenerates. Where you belong.” Cassius says, calmer now, his tone an ice that slices Keefe’s chest. “At least that way I wouldn’t have to deal with you.”

With that he’s gone. The click of his study door echoing down the hall. Followed by a silence broken only by Keefe’s ragged breathing.

He needs to get out of this room. Robotically he shuffles forward and hefts the small stack of books into his arms. Adding onto the fallen one and his journal.

He walks up to his room, not bothering to use the vortinator. Puking all over the stairs is the perfect way to ruin his day. Because everything is fine now, right? Yeah. He ignores his stinging eyes and tight chest. The unevenness of his breathing is just the hiccups. The swirling in his stomach is simply because he’s eaten something bad!

He’s fine, he isn’t hurt, he isn’t angry. His father can think what he wants. Keefe knows,

He knows…

He’s yelling.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” He chokes out, tearing page after page from his books with every word. 

His father is cruel, yes, but he’s never pulled Gisela into it. Too raw and bloody of a wound.

Keefe had been sure he could take it whenever Cassius decided to do this, but now all he can do is lash out at himself.

Because his father is right. He is childish, and foolish, and stupid.

But he doesn’t belong with his mother. Never, never. ‘It’s your legacy’, his mother's voice whispers in his head. ‘It’s where you belong.’ His father’s adds.

Keefe collapses onto the floor, surrounded by torn pages, chest heaving.

He barely hears his imparter chime over the roaring in his ears.

He answers in on instinct.

“I thought you were ignoring me. I’ve already called tw-” Tam’s voice trails off as he takes in Keefe’s disheveled appearance. Keefe vaguely notices his face becoming wet, his tongue tasting salt when he licks his lips absently.

“Keefe, are you okay?” His blood boils from the delicate caution in Tams tone. Like Tam is speaking to a- to a  _ child _ .

“I’m fine.” He grinds out, forcing a smile onto his face that pulls tightly on his cheeks.

Please just ignore it. Pretend everything’s okay. A distraction is all he needs.

“Tell me about your day?” He tries, Tam frowns.

“Keefe what happened.” Shutupshutupshutup. Fine, fine, it’s fine!

“I stuck a hair changing elixer into Sophie's drink, did you see?” His laugh sounds manic, not fine. He cuts it off. “She really can pull of sparkly blue hair, eh?”

“Keefe do you need me to come over? Has something happened?” There’s concern in his eyes. Like Sophies, like his mothers used to hold. Pity.

“I’m not a child!” He screams before he can stop himself. “Stop treating me like a kid!” His voice is higher than it should be, and Tam’s eyes are wide. Wide, wide. And worried.

“Of course you’re not a child.” Tam says carefully.

‘Could have fooled me.’ Mocks the ghost of Tam’s voice in his head, Keefe screws his eyes shut.

“Shut up, shut up!” He pressed his palms into his eyes, the imparter clattering to the floor.

“I’m just trying to help!” Tam answers, and Keefe just wants everything to be normal again.

“I don’t need your help! I don’t even like you!” He cries. “I can- i- I can’t-” He stutters, a broken record on his tongue. “I can’t do this anymore! Leave me alone!”

Spots dance behind his eyelids from the pressure. He can imagine the look of anger Tam is probably sporting.

“You don’t care, so stop pretending.” He adds venomously, hope, hope, hoping Tam will just hang up.

A part of him, quietly deep inside. Is crying, begging him to let Tam help, but he just pushes it deeper. Cuz then he’s weak. Then his father is right.

Worthless.

Keefe thinks it might have worked and he starts to breathe again.

“You can talk to me, Keefe.” Why can’t he just take a hint! Renewed anger floods through him and he grabs his imparter. Turn it off! But Tam’s eyes stare back at him through the screen and the boy still hasn’t stopped pretending that he  _ cares. _ And Keefe blows.

“I said leave me alone!” He yells, and the imparter is flying, hitting the crystal with enough force to shatter. The screen fracturing into a spiderweb of pieces, falling and littering the floor.

That’s how Ro finds him, only a few minutes too late. The room is dark, and she’s oblivious.

The door opens with mindless jabbering that slides past him.

He’s just staring. His eyes locked on the broken device. Crumpled, torn pages litter the floor around him. Books split down the spine (fragile enough to be torn apart, like him.)

“I’m going to destroy him.” Is all she says. Keefe doesn’t react, almost like his dried tears acted like glue.

It’s the sound of the door handle turning as she goes to leave that snaps him out just a little.

“Don’t.” He says feebly. He doesn’t look to see if she stops, but the door never opens. He hears her start to pace, cursing. Step, step, curse, again.

And he just stares, stares, stares, stares.

An undefinable amount of time passes like this, the seconds flow and tick away in a pattern Keefe can’t bring himself to grasp.

Then he hears it. A commotion outside his room. It’s an angry burning in his ears.

It’s father, he’s certain, but Ro hears and she’s angry. (It’s nicer than pity.) The ground shakes as she stomps to the door, and he trusts her to get rid of him.

The door slams open and his father's voice wafts through, cold and hard. Talking to someone.

Who? Not Ro, not Keefe. Curiosity breaks through the fog and he turns his head. 

Ro’s face isn’t angry, it’s one of those expressions she always gets when seeing something she can’t pass up. Like a fight, or an elf who’s not acting very elf like, something ‘interesting’.

(She gets it every time Fitz starts talking about his brother, those words aren’t very peaceful and elvin at all.)

Over his father’s stern voice is another, flat and calm. Keefe can’t make it out. Ro nods and Keefe gathers that whoever it was had addressed her.

She steps aside and in walks a very ruffled looking elf. An expression of exasperation painting their face.

“You’re insufferable, do you know that?” Tam barely has a moment to say before Cassius appears behind him.

“I’ll tell you once more, leave my residence immediately.” He sounds like a robot, an angry robot (can robots be angry?) “Before you feed any deeper into my sons delusions.”

Keefe looks to his hands, clasped in his lap. Tam slides a cool glare over to Keefes father, but doesn’t deign to speak.

“You’re really dying for another week long camp out in the bathroom, aren’t you?” Ro sing songs threateningly, pulling a coloured vial out of seemingly nowhere and dangling it in front of Cassius’s face.

His father goes green, then white. His mask falters for only a second and Keefe winces at the sting of the glare fixed on him. Then he’s gone, the door slamming shut behind him.

Keefe manages to find Tam, the boy is looking down at him, no longer are his eyes riddled with concern, now more contemplative.

“I know you don’t want to talk,” He’s wrong, but no matter how much Keefe wants to, he just can’t. “But I figured I should be here in case you need something.” 

Keefe holds his gaze for a moment, then looks away. Ro says something about making sure that snoop can never get into the room again, then she too is gone. Leaving him and Tam alone.

“I would have been here earlier but I had to find a way to use Havenfields leapmaster without worrying Sophie.” Tam continues. Keefe hears him start padding around the room. “Since my house doesn’t have one. Sophie’s got like, a sixth sense when it comes to trouble. I had to convince her that I was going to prank you back after you got her today.”

It’s so bland, the words are almost a soothing balm on the fire raging in his mind.

“You know this means I like you, right?” Keefe doesn’t reply, but Tam doesn’t seem to care whether he does or not. “It’s disappointing, I know.” Yet he doesn’t sound disappointed at all.

If fact, if Keefe listens hard enough, like he always does when Tam speaks, he can pick out that his voice is tight with worry. Not wholly natural. Like he’s keeping it to himself, and Keefe doesn’t want to be angry anymore.

Keefe can hear him picking up the debris, paper crinkling in his hands. Landing quietly in the trash.

Tam rambles on as he cleans, a steady stream of useless drivel. With every sentence Keefe feels his grip on reality becoming tighter. Tam talks of his human future, just like they always do. At first it burns, because that's bad. Isn’t it? It’s a dream that proves they’re childish, and scared, and weak, and stupid.

Yet as it drones on Keefe begins to lose his grasp on those thoughts, because it’s Tam. Tam who’s not childish, in fact given his past Keefe thinks Tam’s probably the most mature person he knows, and Tam doesn’t fall to fear. He never has, he stands strong, like the councillors, like Sophie, but more. Because he doesn’t lie, doesn’t put others down, doesn’t obsess.

Tam’s not stupid, yet he thinks all this. The same dreams are shared between the two of them. The same hopes, and if Tam’s not stupid then Keefe can’t be stupid, or a child. Right? What makes Tam the exception. 

Tam doesn’t believe it’s delusional, neither does Ro. Aren’t they who matter?

At some point after finishing up the cleaning, Tam’s managed to coax Keefe into bed, where they sit. Facing each other. Their knees are touching, he notices.

Tams voice swirls, so far away yet so present.

“I read that cats are annoying, petty little things. I think if I got one I’d name it after you.”

“He said I was a child, too stupid to grow up right.” Keefe breaks his silence, Tam halts, looking carefully at him.

“He- he said that I belong with mother and her other degenerates, because then he wouldn’t have to bother with me.” He chokes out, his voice is flat, emotionless, but his eyes burn anew.

He sees the way Tams jaw hardens, tenses. Keefe can see the fury in his eyes.

“Keefe-” Keefe looks away. “Hey, look at me.” His voice is so much gentler than his eyes, as gentle as the hand on his cheek that guides his eyes back to the boy in front of him.

“Your father is a fool.” Tam says simply. “You don’t belong with them, and you’re no degenerate.” He continues, not letting Keefe turn away. “You belong with us, okay? Your friends. We care about you.” Keefe blinks, Tam flushes, “So, maybe I’m bad at showing it, but I do care about you. Alright dummy?”

Keefe manages a watery laugh, he feels Tams thumb swipe at a rogue tear tracing down his face.

“Your parents might be my least favourite people.” Tam whispers, so low that Keefe doesn’t think he’s meant to hear it.

“Yours are definitely in my top five worst people ever.” Keefe answers, Tams soft smile melts at the ball in his chest, he mirrors it.

“Do you actually think I’m annoying?” Keefe tries, cursing the vulnerability in his voice.

Tams eyes soften, and Keefe wonders if a person can be made of marshmallows, because everything about Tam sure looks soft enough for that right now. Then he wonders if he’s finally losing his marbles.

“Of course. But it’s cute.” The red in Keefe’s face is no longer just from crying. Tam looks so open, with pink still dusting his cheeks and a smile gracing his lips. Keefe is drawn, pressing his forehead against the other boys. ‘Thank you’ is what it says. Neither of them speak again.

Ro comes back a little later, to find the room clean and the two boys fast asleep. Hands clasped between them on the bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassius finds Keefe's books and is not very happy about it. He also finds a journal full of Keefes plans for the future. He says some stuff about Keefe not growing up right. Keefe doesn't take it well and lashes out, making a mess of his things. Tam tries to hail him and help but Keefe is too angry to let him. Tam eventually shows up at Candleshade and helps Keefe calm down by being there and talking. 
> 
> Title is from Safe & Sound (The Kurt Hugo Schneider cover)


	3. you know the bigger picture changes when the colours run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 years later, and they finally get their happily ever after (Or, maybe just the beginning of their future).

Bang, bang, bang.

“The others will be here in like five minutes! Can you stop playing with your hair and let me shower?” Tam yells through the bathroom door. Keefe, his boyfriend of four years, only laughs from the other side.

“You’re one to talk bangs boy, you play with your hair more than I do.” He calls back, Tam rolls his eyes. He hasn’t had bangs for almost 2 years now. He’d swapped them for less in his face style just after turning 18. Yet Keefe seems incapable of letting the bangs go.

Despite his complaining, Tam manages to stumble out of the shower as Keefe opens their front door.

Their friends enter one at a time, the elvin garments a sharp contrast to Tam and Keefes jeans and Keefes flannel (Tams button up is more on par with them, as he is very sophisticated thank you very much.)

Sophie looks misty eyed as she takes in their surroundings. The plain human furnishings of the mens new home, she’s obviously lost deep in memories.

“Who’s ready to party!” Keefe cheers, “Year 1 Neverseen free! Who’d have thought!” He grins.

“Not me,” Dex replies with a rivalling smile, bright like only Dex can be. “Not only that, but you two have finally moved in together! To think 5 years ago you hated each other.”

Tam looks Keefe over, “No, I definitely still hate him.” He deadpans.

“Awe, babe. Don’t ruin the moment.” Keefe pouts.

“What have we discussed?” Tam says,

“Sweetie pie?” Keefe offers.

“No.”

“Snugglepuss?” 

“Absolutely not.”

“Poppet?”

“You’re evicted.” Tam groans, but doesn’t bother to hide the smile on his face.

“You two are so romantic, it’s gross.” Biana teases, sticking her tongue out at Tam when he lays an unimpressed glare on her.

“We’re gross!” Keefe cries incredulously. “Look at them!” He points towards Fitz and Dex, Fitz looks positively defiant despite being held in the lanky arms of Dizznee. Dex looks more sheepish, with his chin rested on top of Fitz’s curls. It’s basically the only way they stand, like they can’t bare the thought of not being near each other. (Though perhaps Tam doesn’t have room to comment, he’s known to be a little bit clingy.)

Keefe finally invites everyone into the house, they only manage to squeeze a short tour in before the groups requests of ‘When can we eat?’ fill the conversation.

Honestly, neither Keefe nor Tam has ever learned how to cook. Sure they’ve read the odd book on it, but the last time Tam tried his hand at it both of them quickly discarded the pile of molten gloop as toxic waste. So instead of forcing their friends to eat such grossness, they have ordered in a spread from the vegan bistro in the town about 20 minutes south of them. 

“Oh thank council, I was worried you two would be brainwashed into eating animals by now.” Linh jokes, the entire group makes a face. Except for Sophie, who blushes.

“Never in a million years.” Keefe says, holding his stomach. Tam rolls his eyes at his boyfriends dramatics. The group sits, the food is spread between all of them and if some lands on the floor, well they don’t worry about it.

“You’re kidding.” Fitz stares wide eyed at the couple seated at the end of the table. “Of all the names! Tam I thought you had class!” He says, but he’s laughing, and so are the others. Tam just continues to pet the tuxedo cat on his lap, frowning at the bunch.

“Lord Fluffykins is very valiant. I figured the name should reflect that.” He defends, Keefe attempts to pat his shoulder, but he’s swept up in the camaraderie.

“I did tell you it was a bit much, hun.” The blonde laughs, Tam rolls his eyes. Lord Fluffykins (The Valiant) seems perturbed by the commotion and removes himself from Tams lap, taking off down the hall.

The conversation only devolves from there, from incredible stories that probably happened to hilarious ones that definitely did not. For a second Tam is almost overwhelmed, there’s not a single face around this table that isn’t smiling. Every single person means so much to him that he feels like he can’t breath. Years and years of memories flow passed in an instant.

All the nights he spent with Linh, believing she was the only family he would ever have. All the nights he spent alone, wondering if maybe that was how he was destined to wind up. All the nights he spent with Keefe, the first person who he truly allowed himself care about, outside of Linh. Every night spent in the company of his friends. His  _ family _ . The family he never thought he would deserve.

Yet here they all are, together, happier in each others company than in the awe filled adoration of the entire elvin world.

Then Linh smiles at him, it's a new smile, one that has only surfaced recently. It’s free. It’s the one he spent his entire life trying to elicit. From her, from himself. One that doesn’t carry the weight of the world, and of fear. He feels free too, suddenly, able to breathe again. Keefe’s obnoxious bark of a laugh rings out from beside him, then he’s standing.

“If I could have a moment,” He says, the conversation tapers off immediately, all eyes focused on him. “I have something that I want to say.” Looks are exchanged, confused. He doesn’t blame them, he’s not sure why he’s doing this either, but there's an energy pulsing through his veins that keeps him from stopping. If he even wanted to stop.

“I apologize in advance, but it’s about to get sappy.” He inhales deeply, taking a moment to look each person in the eye. “You guys, you’re my family. I want- I need you to know that.

“If there's anyone alive that knows blood doesn’t make family, it’s us. I’ve dreamed of this day for so long, since I was a child. A place where I can just exist, free of restraint and expectation. I always figured it was a pipe dream, but look at us now.” His hand is in his pocket, he rolls something in his palm. He’s smiling, wide. Wider and happier than anyone has seen before. 

“I’ve achieved my dreams, surpassed them really. This is more than anything I could have wished for.” 

“It’s perfect. Or, almost.” There’s another short silence. He can see it in their eyes, Sophie, Biana, Linh. They’ve caught on, Linh is smiling too. She nods, as if prompting him forward. He swallows. Then turns to look at Keefe.

“Keefe, no matter how badly we started, all of our fights and disagreements. Nothing was ever enough to break us apart, because we held on too strong. We hate each other too much to leave well enough alone, don’t we?” It’s probably obvious by now, but the only person he’s looking at is the man right in front of him, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“You’re one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and I  _ never  _ want to risk losing it. So I’m taking that leap to perfection and I really hope you’re game.” He pulls his hand from his pocket, with it comes a box. It’s not elvin, he didn’t think that was appropriate. That life was history now, this, this house, the velvet box in his hand, the two of them, their family? This is their future.

“Keefe Sencen,” Keefe is looking at him like he’s the only person in the universe, and Tam never wants him to look away again. “Will you give me the pleasure of making our lives the most perfect living hell?” He slowly sinks down onto one knee, his face now level with Keefes. Every emotion is multiplied, like they’ve entered their own universe.

“What I’m trying to ask is-” He flips open the box, “Will you marry me?”

For a moment no one speaks, they just look at each other, stare. Tam’s locking every part of this moment deep into his memory, the tears welling in Keefes eyes, the way he feels like his face might crack from how hard he’s smiling. It’s a formality really, he’s not worried, he knows what Keefe’s going to say.

Yet he still feels like a weight has been lifted when Keefe nods. 

“Yes, oh my- yes! Of course yes!” He cries, grabbing Tam by the collar of his shirt and pulling him into a heavy kiss. Tam swears he can see the planets align behind his eyelids, the world finally falling into place. They hear cheering, it’s distant, almost as if through water. Then it becomes a roar as the pull away, Tam slides the ring onto Keefe’s finger, their both shaking. It’s just a plain silver band, but it shines brightly under the lights.

The first person he looks to is Linh, the pride in her expression washes away any worries he had, all the useless worries about what this would mean for their sibling relationship, that were founded in nothing but fear. “I’m proud of you.” She mouths, and he thinks that if an elf could die from happiness, he’d be a goner right now. 

“You couldn’t have waited another week?” Keefe asks softly. Their friends have finally left, after an hour of celebration and congratulations. Now they lie in bed. Keefe clinging to Tams hand, Tam clinging back. Keefe looks to the ring, then back to his boyfriend. No, Fiance.

“Why? Did I beat you to it?” Tam teases, pulling Keefes hand closer and pressing a soft kiss to the back of it.

“I was planning to propose on our anniversary.” Keefe admits,

“Well that's tacky.” Tam chuckles.

“Tacky? Or romantic?” Keefe smirks, wiggling his eyebrows. Tam can’t help but push closer and kiss the smirk off his face.

“Can I tell you a secret?” He whispers, Keefe's brow furrows, but he nods.

“Always.” 

“This is an anniversary.” Tam admits, “Do you remember that day that I found you? After that man had hurt you?” Even after years, Tam continues to refuse to refer to Cassius by any sort of title. Keefe nods again, his eyes darken for a moment, filled with the familiar fear of his childhood.

“That’s the day I realized.” Tam says,

“Realized what?” Keefe questions, “That was over a year before we got together.” 

Tam lets go of Keefes hand and he pulls himself up, Keefe follows, propping himself up on his elbows. He doesn’t speak, just watches as Tam opens his bedside drawer. He shifts through layers of papers, books, until he pulls out a folded sheet of paper. It’s a little worn with age, but intact.

He holds it out to Keefe, who scrambles to sit up, taking it and unfolding it carefully. At first there’s just confusion in his eyes, but slowly recognition sets in. 

“You found this-” He breathes,

“When I was cleaning up.” Tam finishes, “It was one of the only papers still intact.”

He remembers the moment, it’s blurry, but the emotions are clear. There he was, dying to just reach out and hold Keefe, to tell him that it was all okay. But unable to, because neither of them were ready for that, and Keefe hated any sign of concern in that state. So he had cleaned, and he’d found the page. It was just a drawing, it would mean nothing to an outsider, yet it stole a breath from his lungs.

It was the two of them, standing, Keefe's arm around his shoulder. It seemed like a photograph in pencil sketch, they were both making faces and behind them was that one house from just days ago. The stupid looking gothic mansion which was edgy for even his tastes. The one which caused the stupid joke that had broken down his carefully crafted walls and allowed him to feel like he had a friend. 

“It was when I realized that I was allowed to care about you.” Tam says, shifting so he’s seated beside Keefe.

Keefe just turns to meet him, kissing him soundly, “If I’d known that you’re such a sap for my drawings I would have shown you some more.” He says as he pulls away.

“Please don’t, you screw up my face every time.” Tam teases. 

“Because it’s too gorgeous for me to focus on.” 

“I feel like I should be offended by that.” Tam frowns, then they both laugh. Keefe turns to prop the photo up, it takes a couple of tries but eventually it ends up sitting against his bedside lamp.

“I love you.” He says once they’re under the covers, 

“I love you too.” Tam smiles, pulling him close.

They might still be young, barely full grown. Yet they’ll hold tight to one another and barrel towards eternity, hand in hand. Leaving as much chaos as the possibly can in their wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Comes from WE ARE THE KIDS by Walk the Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Title is from Something to Believe In by Young the Giant


End file.
